Ditton Upon Tamys Todaye Summer 1787
News from Ye Residents' Association
A Petition has been gotte up by two hundred Residents concerned that the Development at Forde's Farm will entail the Demolition of several small Dwellings with which they have become familiar, and their Replacement by a vast Single Dwelling. Despite the Architect's attempts to disguise the true Scale by cunning use of Perspective, the Plans clearly show that the massive Scale of the Building is entirely inappropriate to its Location on the Bank of the River Tamys, and disproportionate to the Needs of the Applicant Charlotte Boyle Walsynghamme; but equally massive financial Resources will doubtless enable the Walsynghammes to ride roughshodde over local Opinion. The Development is to be known cynically as "Boyle's Farm."
Our Constables are seeking to bring to Justice the Malefactors who have lately defiled many Trees in our lovely Village by inscribing crude Hearts upon their Barke. It would be easier to identify such Persons were they able to carve their own Names correctly upon this arboreal Parchment.
Ye Council has announced a Trial for the Recycling of Kitchen Waste. Each Household shall shortly be issued with a Pigge clearly marked to avoid confusion with other Receptacles for Recycling. Fattened Pigges shall be placed on the Kerb for Collection before Yule.
Residents are indebted to Ruth Lyonne, for many years a stalwart Cllr. in Ditton upon Tamys and we trust for many more to come, for her Efforts to ensure that the Authorities will arrange to import Candles from France for the Village Christmas Tree in time for next Christmas.
Citizens using the High Street for its multifarious Purposes are enjoined to desist from parking their Carriages all Day, causing Congestion. A perfectly good Field is available for this Purpose close by, where Conveyances may be left for a mere Farthing.
Notice Boarde of Ye Hall
21 June: "Gulliver's Travels" by J Swift, a Miscellanie of much-loved Song and Dance Routines execrably performed by Ye Embers.
3 July: "Give it a Yank." Fresh from a triumphant Tour of Molesey, the Patchwork Ensemble reminisce about the Home Front during the American War of Independence in a Dialogue that will have you mouldering in your Grave. Tea will be served.
Ye reporting Staffe